This month will bring you a great surprise! You are going to try a new waxing salon and have a successful Brazilian. She only burns your upper lip from your mustache, BUT, on a positive note, you can only stay away salsa for a couple of days.
Just in time for CINCO DE MAYO! That guy you've been talking to on Bumble is actually your cousin, but at least he was a good kisser on the first date. Luckily after everything, you find out the real reason Aunt Jane got that short haircut and why Auntie Allyson has been coming to holiday dinners for the last 2 years. 1 word. 3 syllables. AP-PLE. PIE. Auntie Allyson makes the best apple pie...oh and I'm pretty sure they're lesbians, but the verdict's still out Your going to find a new show on Netflix and get to the 3rd episode before returning to The Office for the 5th time. The good thing is you re-watch an episode you forgot about and it feels like the 2nd time you watched it. The moon and Jupiter junction means you are going to actually go to the gym this month, but only to sit in the sauna- fully clothed. The job your hoping to get will happen and it's going to be great! Get your Maxxinista on by buying some new work clothes and that leather clutch EEEEEEAAAAAWWWWWWW*insert Cardi B voice* Since the weather has finally broke, get out and go for a walk instead of the train this month. Aside from burning carbs you can avoid that homeless guy on the B train that gives you dirty looks every time you offer him food instead of money. Oh, and don't keep using that "IT'S GONNA BE MAY" Justin Timberlake joke; it's played and you always use is wrong. Happy May!
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